What do you do when there is a TV writers strike?

Oh the writers’ strike for TV needs to end. Sure there is still a few new episodes being aired here and there, and I am very excited Lost is starting back up but let’s face it with the lack of new shows we have to find entertainment in other places. I found myself turning to church meetings for my entertainment. Now some might think church is more of a drama series then say comedy. I would have to disagree though, I think you can find anything from drama, comedy, a little reality, some action adventure, inspirational and occasionally even stuff for the food network.

You see I sit on what I have dubbed singles row. It is the last row in the very back of the church and there is always a few of us single women that sit back there. We run the gammit from never having been married, widowed and divorced. No we are not banished to the back row because of our single status, well at least as far as I know there is no official decree stating we have to sit back there. It is however one of the most entertaining places one can sit. (plus it gives me a great view point to scope out if there are any single men in the congregation, and no ladies I am not counting Brother Hope.)

Now today from my back row view point I was able to observe my very own 1 hour variety show. Naturally there was inspiring talks given. I have always admired Sandy so I really enjoyed hearing her speak today. The rest of the variety show ranges from a little girl happily enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to parents that could be auditioning for wrestle mania, or American gladiators while they try and keep their kids seated in the pews. There are parents that have to make a mad dash out to the mothers room to change diapers before it becomes a complete disaster, other parents racing to the hall as their kid wails loudly(Personally I think they pinch the kids just so they can go out into the hall), and of course the mom’s that need to feed their little ones. Too some all this activity might be distracting or even annoying I find it all very entertaining.

But wait there is more. There are the parents that play gate keepers trying to keep their children contained on the row between them, and this would work great if kids did not crawl under the seats and pop up 3 rows away or do acrobatics and flip over into the rows in front or behind them. Then you have the parents that are alone with their kids due to the other half being ill or serving in another building and feel completely inept to deal with their rowdy kids and just sit lower in their seats hoping no one notices. You have the kids that stay put but are drawing on each other instead of in their coloring books and pinching, hitting, biting and stealing food from each other. Then you have the kids that the parents must have either bribed or drugged that sit quietly and reverently maybe reading a book or coloring. If I ever have kids we all know they will be in the acrobatic, escape artist range then in the reverent range.

Just to make things more interesting today they tossed in a musical number, which was beautiful by the way. However this now meant parents that had been entertaining, comforting or wresting with their children now had to leave them and go up front to sing. So there is a quick hand off here and there, as the singers make their way up to the front. Some have people come sit with their kids and take over the wresting duties while others are handed to people that can make a quick exit when the child decides to test their own singing skills to express how unhappy they are to be handed off. Each parent would occasionally nervously eye the spot where they left their children, or flinch when they heard a scream they recognized as belonging to one of their off spring. But not one wavered in their singing and that is a feat within itself.

Now if you think the entertainment is just from the children guess again. Sure there are the adorable couples that sit there with his arm wrapped around her and her head on his shoulder as they listen intently to the speakers, but there are always people dozing off, picking their noses, (yes there are boogers even in church but don’t tell Trevor), stomachs growling loudly, and people trying to steal some snacks off the kids in the row in front of them.

I will end my tale here, I can’t ruin all the fun for you as you decide to look for your own next top 10 show while sitting in church, but if you think it is all downhill after the first hour I have one word for you. “poop” . Feel free to elaborate on this word if you would like. See I REALLY need the writer’s strike to end soon.