Have you ever had the unfortunate circumstance of having to be in close quarters with someone that has clearly forgotten what soap and deodorant is used for? I am not talking just a little bit of body odor you get an occasional whiff of but the kind that permeates through walls, wilts flowers when they walk by them, has small children running away in terror, turns you green from the potency of the odor, or causes birds to just drop out of the sky when they are flying above. That my friends is what I have been faced with, and I have lived, barely and with little help from my “friends”, to tell the tale.
So in my hour of need I email a friend, Missy, to let her know if I stopped responding to her emails it was because I had come to an untimely end from the smell. I promised her I would leave her my sticker collection, and my mini collection(Which includes my strawberry shortcake minis, smurfs, and littlest petshop to name a few). She quickly responds back and tells me to hang in there. I am thinking she’s a great real and true friend. Then I slowly peck out on my keyboard that I am fading fast and to please send Febreze, a gas mask and chocolate, cause we all know chocolate can cure anything that ails you.
I had thought to request a diet coke also but didn’t want to press my luck being that she is one of those Pepsi drinking types.
She responds back, I am off to run an errand.. WHAT??? I thought she was my friend. She was bailing on me while I was clinging to life, breathing in this noxious smell. There I sat, barely able to remain conscious, desperately trying to keep my lunch down, turning a lovely shade of mountain Dew green, and she was off to run an errand, and calls herself a friend. Sheesh.
At least Promise stood by me, she even suggested a glade plugin, a fan to blow the smell in another direction, but sadly I am not sure that would even help, unless it was one of those big fans that they use on movies to simulate a hurricane coming through.
Then she pointed out the smell would probably just get blown around and while not as strong and concentrated it would be everywhere with no place to escape it. Then she tried diversionary tactics like telling me about the latest book she read, but then mentioned she gets motion sickness if she reads in the car which made me think about vomiting again. I am reevaluating her friend status at this point because of that. But at least she didn’t abandon me in my hour of need, and pointed out I was lucky that it wasn’t mid August with broken AC.
That’s Promise for you always looking on the bright side of things. Of course she was probably secretly hoping along with Missy the noxious fumes would do me in so that she could have all my unfinished craft projects, why the unfinished ones? Because she wants to build a memorial to me showing I had so much left to do in life, as evidence by all my unfinished projects, and her husband called dibs on my music and DVD collection.
As evidence of this blog post I have survived this latest encounter but I am not sure how many more my weakened body can handle. So please for those of us with a sense of smell, take that shower, and live on the wild side and use some soap, and if you are feeling very adventurous slap on some deodorant. Anyone with a nose will thank you….
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